A Piece of Kemila's Mind

Meeting her Inner Nakedness

Beth must have done a lot of research online before she decided to contact me for a consultation, as she said she read a lot of my blog posts. She particularly mentioned a spirit release case that I wrote. And then concluded by saying, “I believe you can help, though I’m not sure if a past life regression is the way to go… but here’s a list of the issues I wrote down in my car before I came up.”

In a piece of lined paper that she tore down from a big notebook, are bullet points of “issues”. The page is full, on both sides.

Feeling lost, low self-esteem, out of sync with the world, low energy, worrying about money, not sleeping well, not living up to her potential yet not knowing what it is, no sex drive even though loving her partner dearly, fear of social activities, fear of getting in trouble at work and everything else…

I like it that clients do full research on my website, as my approaches and methods come through my writings. It makes easier for our work as they feel they already know me before they come to see me. There is this unconscious rapport, and I am not demanded to “prove myself”. Beth joked that she’s curious as how I’d write her story in my blog. I had to tell her, “I don’t know. We will see.”

Beth is ready for hypnotherapy. The inner self was there underneath the thin veil of critical area of mind and almost wanted to jump out and burst out and scream out to express herself!

It is interesting how people would say they know they are not doing what they are meant to do, not living up to their full potentials yet they’d claim that they don’t know what the potentials are; however, when I ask them what they enjoy doing, they always know it. Beth told me, even though she has a “regular” job as a brand supervisor, she’s quite artistic. Anything about theatre, acting or humour interests her. She likes to make people feel at ease. She likes writing, especially light-hearted stories and humourous life stories.

The way she puts it… It is so obvious to me what her potential is, and what she is “meant” to do; yet after telling me all of those, Beth says she feels lost.

We know in our heart’s heart what we are meant to do, everyone of us. It is so obvious. They way we talk about what we love to do, what we enjoy doing, our eyes light up, our heart sings; yet we feel “lost”, because, out of all the reasons, mostly we do not allow ourselves to BELIEVE doing what we love to do can support us. What a crazy world we are living in! We allow ourselves to be hypnotized by fear, which has no base in reality.

On our first session, I have Beth get in touch with her “inner humourist”. An image comes up, with a man surrounded by fire and sadness. That inner humourist takes us to 1839. John writes for the king Raphael. At the age 28, he’s well respected, as the king would invite him to read the fun stories and entertain himself. Then when John was 34, the king goes to the battle and dies. With the death of the king comes the dark times of the nation. Fear, hunger, plague… there was no room for humour, no room for fun in the whole nation. John eventually would go to church and write the historical events there. He is sad, bitter, and starved. He dies at age 56, with all the writings unfinished. Upon his death, the “inner humourist” tells me that Beth needs to spend time alone, instead of taking her mother’s life and her partner’s life as her responsibility. They both live with her. On the weekend, she can go to comedy shows. And write down the stories. Just keep writing and show the flair. Having space outside in nature is good for her. The inner humourist promises us it would come out and play when Beth creates more space for herself.

On her second appointment Beth is reporting a lot of noticeable changes. My favourite one is this: When Beth went home from our first session that afternoon, she told her partner and her mother, who were having a fight that morning, which would normally tear Beth apart between them, that she’s going to let them sort it out on their own because she now trusts they can find their own ways to live together without Beth interferences. Then Beth decided to go for a bath, after which she found, to her amusement, mother and partner were chatting on the deck with a glass of wine in hand.

Beth is now journaling. She is allowing herself to have fun. She’s taking time and smelling roses. My plan for the second session is to dialog with the “inner judge” as from her long list I sensed a judge there. Sometimes, nothing in life goes wrong. We are just living a life, which continuously takes place and unfolds, but if we constantly take scores and judge ourselves using those scores, we feel defeated. We feel a lot of things are going wrong in our lives.

However, upon arrival, Beth mentions this feeling of anxiety at stomach area. As we speak, she can feel it right there. “Not because of the fear of today’s session, as I was looking forward to it. I don’t know what it is, and it’s there everyday these days.” That sensation is obviously an invitation for today’s work. The objectified anxiety takes us to grade 3, at age 8. Her teacher believes “everyone has to face their own fear” and forces her into swimming pool, even though she has her mother’s note permitting her not to swim. That seemingly small incident is when “everything falls apart”. Other kids are laughing. She’s only wearing her underpants. She’s crying and begging yet the teacher hates it when “kids are spoiled”. This session turns out to be a typical age regression, inner child healing and forgiveness work.

When Beth returns for the third session, she reports that the anxiety in the stomach is all gone. “I can’t believe that particular memory was it. I thought I already made peace with it and have forgiven my teacher.” I tell Beth the seed of the insecurity of being herself may be planted there. With it could come the sense of “I did something wrong”, even though you don’t know what it is.

It was during the third session that I decided to write about her story. Beth has become an inspiration. The session starts by her saying no libido and very nervous about sex. She wants to work on it, though it took a lot of courage to bring that topic up, as the vulnerability is afraid of being judged. I know this is one of the important reasons that she wanted to see me. It’s the second item in her long issue list.

Something she said during the intake interests me. Beth is not judgmental towards her naked body. As a matter of fact, she always likes it and thinks it’s perfect, yet she feels ugly in clothes. “No clothes look good on me, no matter what type. I found this out only for the recent few years.”

I have the images in my mind that all the clothes she puts on are the roles that are assigned to her – daughter, partner, employee, supervisor, friend… yet the naked self is the only true inner essence, the purity of who she truly is.

In hypnosis, I instruct the “inner nakedness” to take us to the cause of fear of sexual activity and coldness with intimacy. We go to a parallel life (or a “simultaneous concurrent incarnation”, with some years overlapping with this current life, which is very common in my clients’ work.) In that life, she lives as Tommy born in the 40’s. At 7, he accidently found his father’s porn magazines and opened them. Tommy was “caught” by his mother, who shamed him, scolded him, blamed and threatened him, “Wait till your father comes home.” That set the whole tone for Tommy’s long lonely unfulfilling life.

As time goes on, Tommy’s dream of flying planes, fixing planes and traveling get farther and farther from his unfulfilled accountant life. He’s never had a real love relationship with anyone, though he had some one-night-stands. He’s overweight. He spent time smoking, drinking and watching TV. He dies at a heart attack at home alone at 72.

Upon death at a higher perspective he realizes that mother was never truly angry with him. She was angry with her husband, Tommy’s father, by addicting himself to the porn magazines but she didn’t dare to express that anger towards Tommy’s father. Father treated Tommy worse because Tommy “upset his mother”. Both parents felt easier to take it upon Tommy with their unexpressed feelings towards each other. Tommy grew up confused, feeling not only sex is bad, but “whatever you look at is bad”. He felt something was fundamentally wrong with him. He had to live a restricted life because “things can get you into trouble without you even knowing what goes wrong.”

Comparing Tommy’s life and Beth’s life we get some insights. Beth has always been scared to making wrong decisions. The inner nakedness confirms that Beth is supposed to be different, with red hair, big classes and being loud, at the age 7, she was considered to be weird. Beth totally bought into it and believed she was weird. Yet the inner nakedness has different opinions. Beth is the light switch for people. She is meant to touch people. She’s here for an assignment. The message from the inner nakedness is so inspirational that I start to see myself more clearly through this. Yes. I get it. Beth is a mirror holding high for people to see themselves through her. I now remember on her first session, when Beth was getting ready for hypnosis and taking off her glasses, I was taken back by the “change” on her face. Her eyes are so crystal clear and bright and shining. The light grey colour is like beacon of light. I never knew a person could look SO different, with the glasses on and off.

Needless to day, at the end of this session, Beth decided to get contact lenses. “No more hiding behind those glasses.”

Beth relishes in making people feeling at ease. Not only ease, I feel every minute spent with Beth is drinking nectar.

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