It was through my brother, as always, that I heard the news of my mother’s hospitalization. On WeChat, he said it happened after midnight. An ambulance took her to the hospital.
As usual, I read it, and marked it as “Okay I hear you”. I didn’t want to ask all those detailed questions that would burden my already stressed out brother. I let him talk, when and what and how. And I said, “Okay I hear you.”
Growing up, I often wondered, what happened to my music?
It was as if I was meant to be musical. When I was a child, I dreamt of singing on a stage.
Those daydreams were very real. I had them in detail.
Over six years ago, on a Car Free Day in Vancouver, I met someone who I could only use the words “my counterpart” to describe. Strange it may sound, it felt to me that he was me in another form. He is a musician – a singer song writer. Like a soul splitting into two, living simultaneous parallel lives, I felt he is fulfilling my music side of life, and I get to single-mindedly focus on what I came here to do. Hypnotherapy is musical after all, to my life.
And in this music, I feel so heard.
My hypnotherapy practice tagline is “Access Your Inner Wisdom”. It’s based on the fact that we all have the inner solutions and wisdom to tap into.
A person can come into my practice presenting an issue, according to their conscious mind, like changing a habit, tackling an emotion, resolving a pattern… that is perceived from the conscious mind, which thinks, analyzes, rationalizes, and has short-term memories.
They come to see a hypnotherapist because they believe to find the cause of the problem, or solution, they need to go inside to their subconscious mind – the mind that created the problem and holds the solution.
Chelsea is an illustrator. She recently had a very “terrible breakup” that “triggered her major depression and anxiety attacks”. She cried everyday for two months. She couldn’t continue working so she took a whole month off to heal, so that she could function.
We can experience the high road, the low road or the invisible road, but we can only have experience. Doubt tells us that we can make a bad choice, and we can’t. We can only experience. Doubt causes us to stay in our little human trap, causes us to stay little, to keep playing the game of “I am little.” We have more fun with doubt than just about any other energy.
The entire class turned their head to me. My face went red.
I thought, “Here comes again.” I have became an alien in people’s eyes.
“So, what specifically was hard for you to choose what were given to you?” The instructor was trying to make sense.
My face became redder. I have chosen to stay true to myself, but I hated to cause a scene in the class!
My voice came out in a lowered volume, “The questions themselves are not hard. I suppose I could pick any one answer and justify that. ” I took a breath. “For example…
I grew up up in China. And I still have memories of Sino-Vietnamese War. I was in my early teens. It was a huge event at the time. Short-lived as it was (It officially lasted for one month in 1979, though the armed conflict lasted for the next ten years), the war was brutal. We heard news everyday from the radio. Back in China, we called that Defensive Counterattack against Vietnam.
Eventually the collective memory of the war went into the file of forgiving. I visited Vietnam three times in my adulthood. My impression of the country was peacefulness with beautiful land and water, even though one could feel past memories still weighed heavy there.
There is no dark secret in your subconscious mind. There is no dirty disgusting thought in your deep mind. There is no shame there. There is no boredom there.
Your secrets might be common human wounds. Your darkest thoughts might be common human misunderstandings. Your boredom might be common human need for love. Fragmented mind is not who you are. The wholeness is what we want, and what we already are. To be it, it helps that we have all aspects of the mind on board, and love can be easily expressed.
The first step is always the willingness to look at it as it is, honestly.