I first heard this interesting term from a well-known psychologist and a best selling book author. As she started to be famous, she started to receive a lot of invitations of speaking engagement all over the world. An earlier dream came true.
She travelled, and spoke, and published more books. Then there came a breakdown moment. The physical body and emotions were both telling her that she was stretching herself too thin, for the Happiness that was supposed.
Going home, and turning off the invitations for three months, she realized – and of course being a psychologist helped – that it was not just the physical exhaustion that contributed to the breakdown.
It was because she couldn’t say no to the invitations.
She couldn’t say no to the invitations not just because she is a people pleaser, but that she was “living her dreams, doing what she loved to do”, and she was “happy”. Who’d say “no” to “happiness”?
It is so easy to fall into duality game, even on the subject of love and happiness, even for a psychologist.
I occasionally get on to Facebook “News Feed”. In my limited Facebook “friends”, a lot of them express openly publicly their daily GRATITUDE. It is all good. Yet sometimes I wonder how many of these are truly heartfelt, and heart-tasted deliciousness of the juice that is produced out of this heartfelt gratitude; and how many of those are produced by a force behind the expression of gratitude, which says, “I am supposed to practice my gratitude”, or “I should be grateful, because, look what I’ve got, compared with those less fortunate souls in poorer countries.”
What I know is that “I’m supposed to…”, or “I should be…” are forceful thoughts. They are not feelings. True gratitude is based on a feeling, not a “supposed” thought.
There are certainly a lot of advocates out there in the Facebook land, or out there in the world, saying, “If we do this, we will be that.”
Only the opposite is true. We can only BE that first. Actions can never define being-ness. When we know we are, any action coming out of it will be it.
By that I mean the gratitude is either felt, or not. The happiness is either felt, or not.
If it is felt, any actions out of it will be the expression.
If it is not, any force saying “I should”, or “I’m supposed to” is just a self-fooling action.
When we take those actions, in order to find a “Me-ness” in such an action, the world out there, or the audience of the Facebook… are not stupid. You cannot fool them. You can only fool yourself, for short, because your body and your emotional state cannot be fooled. But you already know that, don’t you?
Why can’t the world be fooled? Because every action you take, there is certain energy behind it. If the action is supported by the energy of “should”, that means you have not truly got it in you. You are living by other people’s standards. When you live by other people’s standards, you are communicating to the world that you are not enough.
How do you know that you are enough? Honour your own feelings. You either feel grateful or happy, or not. Either way is fine. Find your way to happiness. It’s inner work. Expressions come next. Stop “should”-ing yourself. It will not help.
It’s a cliché. A cliché is a cliché because there is truth in it.
A theoretical happiness is a true expression of guilt. Guilt is the worst emotions we humans can have. It is so artificial that you cannot find it in nature. Anger, sadness, nervousness are more natural emotions, but guilt is a cover-up emotion. When the natural emotions are not allowed, we use a worse emotion to cover it up. That’s why even “success” and “happiness” can burden a person. Ridiculous, isn’t it?