What Does Confidence Have to Do with Flavour?

Many people I come across understand that many of their issues—whether emotional, mental, behavioural, and perhaps even physical—can come down to a lack of self-confidence. Heather, my new client had just come to see me about her body image and perceived difficulty in dating when I mentioned she may just lack a little confidence.

“Yes, I know that!” she exclaimed. And then she looked at me innocently, as if she was asking me, “Now what can you do Kemila to bring some confidence to me, through the magic you know that’s called hypnosis?”

Heather had already settled herself into my recliner and reclined. She has a full body, which seemed very flexible, and proportionally beautiful. I imagined that she’d have been considered a typical beauty a few hundred years back when the world hadn’t started glorifying skinniness. I leaned over on my chair to be a little closer to her.

“Confidence,” I told her while looking into her big shining eyes, “is not something you acquire from outside of you. You cannot find confidence anywhere as if it is some things to hold.”

Heather was listening.

“Confidence is not something you just go out and find or discover.” I paused and then continued. “Confidence is like the flavour of food. The food may be flavourful, but you cannot simply look at it and say, ‘The flavour of this food is very good.’ You need to taste it first. Maybe the flavour is good, maybe not. But only through actually consuming some food and tasting it can you know its flavour.”

Heather slouched, as if dropping into a trance. Her conscious mind might be busy thinking, “What does this have to do with confidence?” But she was silent.

I went on, “You said you have no friends. You want to make friends, and you want to have a good relationship, but you haven’t been out meeting people, because you keep thinking, ‘After I lose some weight, I’ll have more confidence, and then I’ll go out and meet people.’ But confidence does not come from losing some weight. You have to go out and meet people to bring out your confidence and happiness.”

I thought Heather already had enough confidence. I saw it in her relaxed composure lying there on the recliner. She might think she was relaxed and simply being herself because she was there with me, her therapist, and she felt no pressure. But what would cause her to feel pressure and not be herself? Being with equally nervous men in the dating world?

“Do you need to have confidence first for you to go out meeting people? Or would being out meeting people bring out your confidence?” I asked.

“But I don’t know if it’s going to matter. Maybe guys don’t want to talk to me.”

“If you know guys are going to talk to you, it takes no confidence. If you don’t know whether guys are going to talk to you or not, but you still go out and meet them, that brings out confidence in you. When you do it, you are confident. Just like when you consume food, you find the flavour.”

“Wow!” Heather elegantly shifted her body and sat up a little bit, “You just blew my mind. And I don’t know how you did it.”

“Good. When that ‘I think I know everything about men’s choice of women’ mind is blown, your confidence is given a chance to be released. Now my beautiful lady, when are you going out and tasting some food?”