A Piece of Kemila's Mind

A Past Life Drama

past life trianguler relationshipI don’t have a TV set at home, but my life does not lack any stories. Doing past life regression, my work sometimes feels like watching a Hollywood drama movie, with all the plots, turns, emotions and surprising endings.

A drama in a past life regression session can be therapeutic. Sometimes it can be entertaining. Often times it is both.

Fanny’s is one of the cases. She is a very beautiful woman in her late twenties, with curly dark hair, and casual colourful cotton dresses. She read a lot of my blog posts before she made an appointment with me. First she told me that it was curiosity that brought her to my practice, and she wanted to open emotional blockages and get to know more about this life, her relationship, and her life purpose.

As the conversation went on, Fanny shared with me more of her anger towards some of her family members. She always wanted to protect her dad when her parents had a fight, yet she couldn’t share anything with him. Instead, she always wanted to escape him. Her feelings towards her mother were always love and hate, anger and sadness.

It was during our second past life regression session that the Hollywood movie-like drama came up, a drama about romantic love, triangular relationships, jealousy, and murder.

It happened in the 1930’s. In trance, the small woman Fanny started to describe herself as a big male named John. We went directly to a fighting scene in a bar. It was night time. A man was holding a handgun, pointing to John’s head. He then pulled the trigger.

It is not uncommon that in Past Life Regressions the opening scene is the death moment.

I took John back to an earlier time in that evening. A group of men were playing cards and gambling. John was winning, yet he was stressed. One man accused him cheating. It was Michel. He was angry.

The next thing we knew, Michel stood up, pushed the table upside down, came towards John, cornered him to the wall, took out his gun, and pointed it to John’s forehead.

John was shocked.

And then shot.

When asked if John knew Michel before, John said yes. The intensity seemed more than just a card game. I moved John back in time. It turned out that John and Michel were friends since childhood.

John lived in a big house with his wife, a three-year-old daughter, and a big dog. The house was in a rural area, with a huge front and back yard. Every day John went to work in an office where he was an accountant. His wife Sandra stayed home taking care of the child and the house.

Michel lived close-by. The moment I mentioned Michel, tears came up Fanny’s face. And John said, “He slept with my wife.”

“How do you know?”

“I came home one day at lunch hour, and I found them in bed.”

“Go to that moment now. What do they do the moment you find them in bed?”

“They look at me.”

“Shocked?”

“Yes.”

“What happens next?”

“I’m confused….” There was a long pause.

“What do you do then?”

“I sit on a chair.”

“What do they do?”

“They got dressed. And said, ‘I’m sorry.’ But I can’t be angry. I’m too sad to be angry. Why did they do that to me?”

“Are you are sad because you are losing your wife, or because you are losing your best friend?”

“… More my best friend… I feel sick in my stomach.”

“In a moment, you will feel much better. What do you say to your wife?”

In a yelling voice, “Why do you do that to me?”

“What does she answer?”

“She’s crying… She says, ‘You are not there for me… You work too much.’”

“Do you work too much, to the point that she feels lonely?”

“Yes, but I have to provide for the family! I have to work a lot for the whole family!”

The look on John/Fanny’s face was utter confusion. It was not that he loved his work so much. He worked long hours for the money, or his perception of the money that the family needed. This is interesting because one of Fanny’s complaints was that her four-year on-again-off-again boyfriend has a focus on his job and career. Fanny always feels that he doesn’t have time for her.

“What about Michel? What does he do? He doesn’t have to work too much?”

“He is a business owner.”

“Had she ever complained about it, that you work too much?”

“No!”

“Ask her why she didn’t bring the problem up with you?”

“She says, ’You wouldn’t listen. You wouldn’t change anything.’”

“Would you if she had brought it up?”

“No.”

“Tell me about it. Why wouldn’t you?”

“The money. It’s important.”

“Okay. What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know… I guess I’ll pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Because…?”

“I can’t imagine not having this family… What’s the point if I didn’t have the family?”

“What about your friendship with Michel? Are you going to pretend he’s still a friend?”

“The tension is there, the anger.”

“Yours towards him or his towards you?”

“Both.”

“What would he be angry with you for?”

“I don’t know.”

A year later, the scene in the bar happened. John was there playing cards. Michel walked in, took the empty seat at the table, and joined the game. John had the luck of the evening and kept winning.

Michel called John for cheating, and further said he stole Sandra from him. The three of them were childhood friends. During the fight, Michel said, “You know you never made her happy.”

I asked John, “How do you feel when you hear that?”

“I’m confused. I try so hard to make her happy.”

“So he sounds like he cares about Sandra.”

“Yeah.”

“Many years ago, did Sandra have to choose between you and Michel?”

“No. Sandra and I were together. Michel never said anything.”

“So you never knew that Michel loved Sandra back then.”

“No. ”

“Then how can it be that you stole Sandra from him?”

“I don’t know. That’s what he says. He is saying now, ‘You never cared for her.’… Of course I cared for her. She’s my wife and life. I work for them.”

“Maybe he meant you never spent enough time with her?”

“He’s saying, ‘You are never there for her when she needs you. What else do you expect?’ I’m very sad, because I care for her.”

“Maybe not the way she wanted to be cared for?”

John was silent.

So there came the last moment, with the handgun pointing at John’s forehead. I asked John what his last thought was in that moment, John said, “She’s all yours.”

“We are going to find that out.” I told him. “Gently easily pull yourself out of the body, feeling light, bright and free. You are out of body now. Hovering over it before you move on. What do you see?”

“Michel is sitting by the body. He is so sad.”

“Allow yourself to know how the story ends after you are without the body.”

“They got together. I see them hug each other.”

“Is Sandra happy for that?”

“No. She is sad.”

“What happens to your daughter?”

“She closes up. She doesn’t like him. She misses her dad.”

“Do you still feel anger and sadness now?”

“Yes.”

I guided John to release those emotions. John said from time to time, he went to Sandra’s dreams, in which he told her again and again that he cared for her.

To care for Sandra, John’s interpretation was to provide for the family; and Sandra’s need was to spend time together.

“How do you feel about Michel now? Is there a way you can meet him in his dream as well?”

“Yes.”

“What do you say to him in his dream? After all, once upon a time, he was your best friend.”

A pause. “I want to thank him for being there for her, not having her lonely. But it was not fair.”

“It was not fair because…”

“Because now he’s saying he loved her forever. I never knew that.”

“Why didn’t he express his love towards her earlier?”

“Because he thought she loved me, and she wouldn’t respond to him. It was to respect her choice.”

It turned out Michel always loved Sandra, but he didn’t take any action on it. He thought he could step back and let Sandra marry John, but the truth is he couldn’t stop himself from loving her. John’s busy-ness in money making created a gap, in which Michel came in and filled it.

At this point, John agreed to move on.

Towards the end of the session, Fanny identified that her maternal grandmother was Sandra and her mother was Michel in that lifetime. John’s daughter is Fanny’s best friend Sheila. Fanny’s father was not identified in the life of John.

Fanny continued to see me for three more sessions, exploring other lifetimes, working out those long charged emotional energies.

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