A Piece of Kemila's Mind

Doubt a Little Doubt

Doubt is one of those very stubborn energies. But let me tell a story first.

There were two explorers who wanted to set out and discover the new world. They were filled with ambition and desire and adventure. They set out from the same port on the same day, so it didn’t matter what the numerology was, or how the planets were aligned as long as our story goes, because it was the same.

The first explorer’s name was Jack and the second explorer’s name was Aidan. Jack and Aidan set out with the exact same type of ship, the same number of crew members, and the same provisions on board. Neither knew exactly where they were going, because it was the new world, nobody had been there before. But they knew they were setting off to find the new lands, to have new adventure and to have triumphant discoveries of their own.

They set off at the exact same moment. The only difference was one item of cargo that was on Jack’s ship but not on Aidan’s. There was a box in the holding area of Jack’s ship. It was a rather simple looking box, but its contents were very powerful. And its contents would come out and be used throughout Jack’s journey. Those contents in that box were doubt.

So they left port at the same time on the same day each heading out. Aidan went off on his adventure with his crew. Shortly after they left port, they hit a storm. But instead of wondering why that storm was there, instead of wondering what Spirit was trying to tell them, instead of panicking and wondering why he had gone on this journey in the first place, Aidan said,

There is a storm. I feel it. The ship feels it. The men feel it. They’re all getting sick. We have a storm, and the storm is just there. I don’t own the storm. I am not the storm, but I feel it, I live it, I ride the waves. And that storm will take me to where I am choosing to go. Even though I think I may be going one way, I know that energy of the storm is going to work for me and take me to the grandest possibilities of all.

And Aidan went off on his journey with his crew and they encountered all sorts of things – storms, and times of no wind – but they didn’t have any doubt. It’s in a box which was not on their ship. They were experiencing all along the way and they found new lands. They found spices and exotic plants and even peoples and animals that they had never seen before, and it was a tremendous experience and they felt every step of the way. They returned back home after two years of voyages and experiences, richer, happier, more fulfilled and having truly lived.

Jack set out with his ship – the ship with a cargo of doubt – and the moment that he ran into the storm, he wondered why he had ever left. It took away from the experience because then the waves became, in his experience, the demons that were trying to take something from him and trying to kill him, when in fact the waves and the storms were just part of the experience. He altered his course because he felt immediately he had done something wrong. How else would he have driven himself and the crew straight into the storm? So he altered his course.

And the whole time he was worried about this, and the worry that he felt could be seen and felt by his crewmembers and they began to get sick, eventually very ill. They started to die.

Jack’s ship was taken in a course that was very difficult, and he didn’t discover grand new lands. He didn’t find spice or gold. Each time he landed someplace he found that the natives, those peoples who inhabited the islands or the lands, were hostile and angry, and they fought him. They ran him off. More and more of the crew starved and got sick, and after just a year Jack returned back to his homeland a failure, sad, lacking in any sort of light or any type of expression. He was ridiculed by some, and many others were very angry because they had lost loved ones on his ship.

And that is the difference between doubt and triumphant discovery.

At the starting point of a life, as explorers in new consciousness, we headed out from port carrying the same degree of energy and consciousness. We’ve all been on our experience of life. For so many that doubt has taken away the real essence of the journey.

So often some of us let the doubt creep into the journey to take away from the true ability to live, and explore the new. The doubt drains us. It runs us down. It makes us feel unworthy. It makes us want to crawl into a hole and never go out and journey again.

What’s the purpose of doubt? Doubt is simply a game. It is distracting. We bring doubt into our life so that we can pretend we don’t know ourselves, and pretend that we are lost. We bring doubt in so we can keep this futile search going. Part of us wonders what will happen if the search ever stops? Part of us loves this game so much that we never want to stop.

How often every day do you doubt yourself – your decisions, your actions, your thoughts? How often do you let it play with you and guide your ship or at least pretend that it guides your ship, rather than take ownership and responsibility for your journey into new exploration? With doubt on board it’s very hard to have triumphant discovery. It’s very hard to go off into the new realms and truly experience it in the fullest way without running in circles, as doubt keeps us disempowered, like a victim.

Doubt is a virus, an energy within us that keeps us playing the game over and over again. Doubt is a way of hiding and a way of pretending.

We pretend we don’t know what to choose. We pretend we are making poor judgments. We cannot! We can only have experience. Sometimes the experience can be intense. Sometimes it doesn’t have the outcome that we might have liked, but at least it’s an experience.

We can experience the high road, the low road or the invisible road, but we can only have experience. Doubt tells us that we can make a bad choice, and we can’t. We can only experience. Doubt causes us to stay in our little human trap, causes us to stay little, to keep playing the game of “I am little.” We have more fun with doubt than just about any other energy.

So many times a person comes to my hypnotherapy practice feeling stuck, and wanting to remove a blockage. But I’ll say it here: Doubt is the thing that has been blocking them.

Many books have been written about negative thoughts. We are taught to block out the negative, to not speak negative, not think negative. If you can catch yourself in the beginning, that’s fine. But the attempt to do this has caused more problems than negatives, because when we are complaining about the negatives, we are not moving to the direction we set out to do. And when we deny what’s real, we create false positive and it creates an unnatural flow of energy, which cause our energy to back up and we get very stagnant. When we get stagnant, we run to the mind to try to rescue the self. It gets even more stagnant and that’s when depression, lack of joy, no passion… all of these other symptoms come in.

You probably know some people who appeared to be “Negative” but have a flow of energy.

Instead of trying to think positive – not to have negative thoughts – take a look at doubt. Doubt is when you question yourself and second-guess yourself. It is very different than being negative.

Doubt is looking at a very distorted and smoky, cloudy mirror. When you allow yourself to doubt who you are and why you’re here, when you don’t follow the truth within, you see yourself as something that you’re not, and that mirror that you’re looking in becomes very responsive to the doubt. And it gives you a reflection of the doubt portion of you rather than the true portion of you.

When doubt comes into our life, it restricts the flow of energy, and the doubt causes us to energetically compress ourselves. Doubt in itself is a type of virus that goes in and starts eating away at us. It starts segmenting us and breaking us into pieces. Doubt creates barriers and walls in all of the various places of ourselves. The only way out of doubt is to go back into what we truly feel and know about ourselves and then express it.

To get out of doubt is to express your truth.

As you express who you are, as you go beyond your own doubt, as you make a few mistakes, and take a few risks, you’ll feel the transformation within yourself. Because you’re moving beyond doubt, you’re not allowing this virus to continue eating away at you, to continue dragging you down.

It’s an interesting place to be where you know that potential is out there, whatever that potential is for you. You know that your dreams can actually be part of your reality, but that doubt comes in and starts going through “what ifs” and “buts.” It starts exploring possibilities that are very doubtful. If you just start sharing who you are, if you go beyond that barrier of doubt, your consciousness is going to take that next large leap in itself.

When the doubt comes in, it suffocates the feelings. It goes in and confuses the mind. Then it takes away our intuition, our natural ability to feel things and to understand them and to deal with them.

Now, imagine for a moment what it would be like the next time this avalanche of feelings comes into your life if you didn’t doubt, if you didn’t wonder what you had done wrong. Instead of doubting, you used your pure intuition. Your intuition would allow you to absolutely feel the depths of the experience, of the energy, to feel into its many layers, to feel into all of the potentials of why it was there and the potential of the outcomes without having to manipulate it but just to feel it.

When in doubt, know that doubt is not yours. It’s a game. You’re taking this on for other people, and you have to put yourself in a lonely space to make it really feel like it’s yours. You feel nobody understands what you’re going through. And the joke is, you’re going through it for them! You’re taking on these things so you can attempt to find a way to bring resolution to the energy for others.

Some of us have been doing it so long and we’ve become such experts at it that it could be a little challenging to let it go. It could be a little challenging to start living our life as our own instead of taking everybody else’s consciousness on. It’s been so long that we have been in service in the leagues of consciousness that we have forgotten what it’s like to do it for ourselves.

The doubts that are such a part of the human consciousness right now suffocate feelings. When the feelings are not there we’re really not living. When we doubt we’re not using our natural intuition.

When you feel trapped and stifled by doubt, stop for a moment. Take a deep breath. Go for the intuition. “What should I do right now?” Use your intuition and go for the experience. When in doubt, go for experience.

Now let’s doubt the doubts. And be the captains of the consciousness ship going out, expanding and exploring.

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