Valentine’s Day is a time of love, a time when people express their love to one another. It can also sometimes be when they reflect on the relationship they have or would like to have. A common question people often ask themselves is “how much am I loved in a relationship?” But is this a useful question? Following are two little stories that that offer some perspective.
I had a Skype session with a client during my travels in Venice Italy. It took me some extra time to get everything ready as connecting to the Internet didn’t go smoothly. I was six minutes late for the online appointment.
But finally I was on. I was glad. And my client seemed to be relieved too. So I said sorry, I didn’t mean to be late. I was about to tell her about the hard time that I had sorting out the wi-fi connection in Italian.
This is probably going to be the shortest blog I’ve posted, because, well, the title speaks for itself.
While I’m feeling “Baby, it’s warm inside”, I sometimes experience a little chill with my clients, when they are afraid to move forward because they feel guilty about something within themselves.
They feel that they need to feel guilty to keep themselves in check, as if “If I don’t feel guilt, I may run a mock.”
I’m a therapist, I’m not a philosopher. The wellbeing of each individual, especially those who make their way to my practice, is what I care about. So here we go with this wonderful, seeming noble idea of guilt:
Samantha brought to our appointment her presenting issue – panic attacks and anxiety. They had always been with her, but got intensified as she was trying to have a baby.
As usual, I never initiate the concept of “past lives” to my clients. It was not until our third session that Samantha started to mention, almost in a negative way, that “past life stuff” couldn’t be true.
It alerted me. I find whenever a person initiates a subject; this person has a subconscious curiosity or even a fascination of it, regardless how the conscious mind may think and judge the subject.
Samantha admitted that she was fascinated by it, but was not sure whether she should believe in reincarnation or not.
Growing up, I often wondered, what happened to my music?
It was as if I was meant to be musical. When I was a child, I dreamt of singing on a stage.
Those daydreams were very real. I had them in detail.
Over six years ago, on a Car Free Day in Vancouver, I met someone who I could only use the words “my counterpart” to describe. Strange it may sound, it felt to me that he was me in another form. He is a musician – a singer song writer. Like a soul splitting into two, living simultaneous parallel lives, I felt he is fulfilling my music side of life, and I get to single-mindedly focus on what I came here to do. Hypnotherapy is musical after all, to my life.
And in this music, I feel so heard.
My hypnotherapy practice tagline is “Access Your Inner Wisdom”. It’s based on the fact that we all have the inner solutions and wisdom to tap into.
A person can come into my practice presenting an issue, according to their conscious mind, like changing a habit, tackling an emotion, resolving a pattern… that is perceived from the conscious mind, which thinks, analyzes, rationalizes, and has short-term memories.
They come to see a hypnotherapist because they believe to find the cause of the problem, or solution, they need to go inside to their subconscious mind – the mind that created the problem and holds the solution.
Chelsea is an illustrator. She recently had a very “terrible breakup” that “triggered her major depression and anxiety attacks”. She cried everyday for two months. She couldn’t continue working so she took a whole month off to heal, so that she could function.
From a very young age, before I knew what I wanted to do when I grew up, I already knew for certain that I couldn’t do routines.
The idea that everyday is a repetition of a previous day would kill me.
Therefore you can imagine how much I enjoy what I do now.
In the hypnotherapy practice, I never know what I get with the next client.
Even though everyone is so unique, still some people impress me more than others, in different ways.
The Mongolian family are such people, not only because they are from Mongolia, not only because they never showed up alone, not only because they are all big, tall and strong as a typical Mongol, yet so very cute… But also there are things about them that long after their sessions, I still have a smile on my face whenever I think about them.
Wanda told me she felt blocked and therefore stuck in life, even though she has multiple talents and interests. She has done a lot of inner work, including some “spiritual work deep into the self”, where she found some emotional triggers. She went to see a counsellor who used the emotional triggers to attempt to take her back in time…
That was when Wanda “hit a wall” – “I couldn’t get any further. I couldn’t get past the wall.” She told me.
A wall! “How do you know there was a wall?” I asked Wanda. My alarm went off. If there were nothing to hide, disallow, shame, or protect, there wouldn’t be any need for a wall.
We can experience the high road, the low road or the invisible road, but we can only have experience. Doubt tells us that we can make a bad choice, and we can’t. We can only experience. Doubt causes us to stay in our little human trap, causes us to stay little, to keep playing the game of “I am little.” We have more fun with doubt than just about any other energy.
Being in this profession, or maybe just like in any other professions, we meet very interesting people in very interesting ways.
Fred is such a young man. He is in his late 20’s, a computing and mathematical genius. His written and spoken skills are precise, scientific, articulate, and illustrative. He told me he has taken some courses in NLP (Neuron-Linguistic Programming) when he showed up. And I could see that he certainly knew how to do his thinking. His “problem” was more on social skills, or it seemed.